a beautiful stranger

At the break of a fearsome dawn,
as he paved along the shores of death,
he felt his stamina weakening,
his bones withering,
and his footprints slowly vanishing,
as waves swarmed at his ailing feet.
The infernal sun started to rise,
gradually burning his crisp and blanched skin,
but his eyes were glistening,
hopeful for yet another sunny day
to warm his frigid body.
He examined the vast sea at the early morning sun,
but he was stunned to see a beautiful stranger
smiling at him, with the same glistening
and hopeful eyes as his.
He said nothing, still marveling on his old,
plain yet beautiful self
whom he has unmistakably forgotten
for several years. He had missed him, dearly.
He suddenly felt a certain crust of disdain
towards himself,
yet nostalgia seemed to overwhelm him more.

It was too late.

mo(u)rning

The aroma of brewed coffee and steaming morning bread
wafted through the early misty air and you are transfigured in my mind,
holding on to your coffee cup, steadily, with those gleaming eyes.
You suddenly felt the heat of the cup scalding your hands,
yet you managed to maintain that radiant smile until you can't anymore.
I can't remember if it was you or the cup who/which broke first,
and I was almost deafened by the shattering noise of broken glass.
I tried to clear my dreary eyes, almost drained since you were gone,
and suddenly, everything seemed transparent and lucid to me.
The floor where you and the cup broke was steer clear, seemingly white and new, without a single trace of coffee stain or your blood, perhaps.
I was motionless and numb, mightily trying to clear my throat and call your name, but my voice has taken its toll.
All of a sudden, there was complete and utter silence.

I was alarmed.

get laid.get love.get lost.

I miss doing stuff by myself. Not that I don’t enjoy the company of my family and friends, I do. It’s just that, I miss my old self. I honestly don’t know what I have become for the past years. I miss laughing, crying, giggling, screaming, almost anything I could ever imagine… Alone.

Enough of my melodramatic intro. What I’m trying to get into is that I’ve watched a movie alone today. I remember watching Atonement, The Kite Runner, Dan in Real Life, among others, all by myself. The truth is, I enjoy a movie better when I am alone; no one to discuss the plot with and no one to speculate what’s going to happen next with.

I’ve been aching to watch Management ever since I’ve seen its trailer. I honestly have never heard of Steve Zahn until I’ve googled him, and I was surprised to have liked him the first time I’ve seen a movie of his. I’m not much of a Jennifer Aniston fan either, but I admittedly started to like her since Marley and Me and He’s Just Not That Into You.

If I would be a movie critic whose reviews are often quoted in a one-liner, I’d probably say that the movie is “Surprisingly Sweet and Touching.” I haven’t seen a feel-good movie for quite some time and I can say that this one’s worth the wait since Catch and Release. Moreso, the movie taught me a not so hypocritical thing in life; that it’s okay to be selfish sometimes, or rather, it’s okay to stop being selfless sometimes and just let someone take care and love you.

I’m wondering though, is watching a movie alone a selfless or a selfish to do?

third wheel

I had a blast last night. Halos mapaos ako kakatili lalo na para sa idolo kong si Nina. Kaso, napansin kong mas napalakas yata ang tili ko ng lumabas na si Richard Poooooooon! At dahil nagback out si bestfriend, I had no one to share the kilig factor hearing The Big Band Crooner swoon the audience with his smooth voice. Actually, third wheel ang drama ko last night dahil ang kasama kong nanuod ng concert eh ang loveteam na sina Boo and Chervs. Habang holding hands ang dalawa eh mag-isa naman akong pumipikit pikit pag naririnig ko na ang malalamig na boses nina Juris, Nina at Aiza.

Pero ang totoo, wala naman akong nafeel na inggit, promise. Sana nga lang next time eh may kaholding hands na din ako. Chos!

uno

One year na pala ‘tong blog na ito. Sa loob ng isang taon, ang dami ng pagbabagong naganap dito sa aking munting mundo. Mula sa pagbabago ng anyo, ilang beses na rin ako nagpalit ng blog name (Living Life for the First Time, Absolute Zero, Undiscovered, TheClockStopper, The Emancipation of Me). Hindi kasi ako makunte-kuntento, at eto na naman, nagpalit na naman ako, halaw sa unang album ng aking idolong si Jason Mraz.

Sa loob ng isang taon eh andami na rin palang nangyari sa buhay ko na naishare ko sa blogosperyo. Andyan ang emo days kung saan puro na lang tungkol sa mga ex ko ang sinusulat ko, at yung tipong todo effort pa sa pagpili ng English words para mas malalim (kuno). Andyan yung mga super happy days ko naman, to the point na nagiging preachy na ako, yung tipong magbibigay pa ako ng advice on how someone should live his or her life. Andyan din ung mga feelingerong poet days ko kung saan eh nagcreate pa ako ng isa pang blog para sa mga poems ko. Andyan din yung mga posts na nagpapakafeeling David Sedaris ako, trying to be funny without intending to sound too comical.

Nasaksihan din ng blog na to yung mga tipong turning points sa buhay ko. Shortly after ko sinimulan ang blog na ‘to ay nag-out ako sa mga closest friends ko. Siyempre lahat ay nagulat kasi hindi naman daw nila inakala. Yung iba nga eh pinipilit pa na baka naguguluhan lang daw ako. Nai-share ko din sa blog na ‘to yung mga naging problema ko sa pamilya ko. Nag-hiatus pa nga ako para lang makasama ko sila ng mas maraming oras. Pero bababalik at babalik pa rin ako sa pagsusulat, sabi ko sa sarili ko.

At since anniversary post ito, susubukan kong magpakaiba. Actually, first blog entry ko ito na hindi purely English, nagsasawa na kasi ako magpakanosebleed sa mga sinusulat ko.

Anyway, wish ko lang naman eh more power sa blog na ‘to. Oh di ba parang showbiz lang.

 

surf’s up

What I like about you is that you’re so feisty yet so soft-spoken; you’re so fierce yet so benign; you’re so determined yet so carefree. I remember, I was so frightened to try surfing back then and you were the one who helped me realise that I can do so much more outside my comfort zone. Whatever your plight is right now, just don’t forget that I’ll always be here for you. And if you’re daunted with “flatness,” remember that you can float through life and make waves. 

Happy birthday J, love lots!

17 again

Does age really matter? I think I would have to retract my previous statement. You broke it off with your girlfriend, and now you are oh so free to date. Forgive me for having misjudged you, for I was only blinded by the fact that you were only 17. Truth is, I was dumbfounded when I realised that I was more childish than you were. I was surprised when I got to know you a little better; you talk as though you were someone way much older than I am. Shame on me.

Shame on me if you fooled me twice.  I shouldn’t be taking back what I’ve said before; I was right about you all along.